“Some things in life are out of your control. You can make it a party or a tragedy”
After my weekend in Robertson, I have discovered that I can make a party happen at 5 o’cock on a wintry Robertson morning, parked in a misted up vehicle at a secluded petrol station all whilst sipping on cheap vending machine coffee and at the mercy of bad reception and my Tablet’s fading battery life.
Le Plus One and I planned what was to be a weekend away with friends, who had said they live on a farm “just outside” Robertson. We figured, perfect for a braai and Wacky Wine weekend, close to the event and not too far for the bus we had arranged to drive us home safely!
So after work Friday evening we headed to said Farm. 70km OUTSIDE of Roberston, on a dust road driving to what looked like Eustace and Muriel’s home (if you watched cartoons in the 90s you’d know who I’m referring to) no reception, a dying mobile, it’s almost midnight and we’re driving down this abandoned “pad” with no name, headed to our deaths or to the only house with lights (disco lights to be exact) we thought “that can only be the gays”
We were mistaken!
After running to our car thinking we were about to be mugged (by a chicken or something we later found out) in the darkest part of Montagu far past the witching hour-my non-existent Afrikaans vocabulary and a Suzelle DIY accented “Fok” was all i could manage at this point.
We decided we would venture to find shelter in the nearby town of Montagu. Can you imagine, two little homos screaming in the mountains because of a little bird. Bladdy gays!Needless to say we didn’t find room at the inn and were forced to crash in the car. Like a scene from The Titanic (on budget cuts) we found shelter in each others arms at an abandoned Caltex and waited till morning, one eye open of course.
Luckily I used my hospitality hedonistic ways to find us a place to stay that day and for the Saturday night, we had no way of contacting friends and needed a shower. Desperately hoping for an early check-in we arrive at a hilltop country retreat in Swellendam a mere 25km from Robertson and the Wacky Wine festivities.
Like Joseph himself-Le Plus one hopelessly knocks on the reception door of the guest house, asking for an early check in, as Gabrielle would, the angelic Guest House manager says “you can check in now” IT’s 8am, BEST SHOWER ever!
A Hilltop Country Retreat is a four-star self-catering (they do offer breakfast goodies for your room if you need) n in Swellendam a quaint town just outside Robertson.
The rooms are well decorated in what I described as a Rustic Weylandts style, there’s a pool and outside seating/braai area, great for eating the braai meat you planned on braaing on the Friday night with friends, for breakfast. We loved the massive bath, space for two glasses of Roberston Chardonnay, plenty of Rain bubbles and two filthy moeg mense.
We happily lit the fire and took a nap with their friendly kitty in front of the fire, honestly, I just felt at home and could care less about Wacky Wine at this point. After everything that happened the night before I loved every second of rest in such a homey space-I didn’t want to leave.
During our drive to our home for that night we discovered a lot of amazing little cafes, store, the Rain Africa day spa and what looked to be some great hiking trails. Thinking 10h00 is too early to start of our Wacky Wine celebrations we headed to Robertson to explore this beautiful little town.
We loved staying a little further out than Robertson because it meant we had to drive through Swellendam and Montagu, which we could use as an excuse to go hiking, stop on the side of the road take selfies and chat to the road-work people whilst sharing a naartjie at the stop an go to the next town. you know, normal things that people do when travelling.
ACTIVITIES & SIGHTSEEING
The most spoken about and photographed place in Robertson has to be Mo and Rose Guest House and Cacti garden. With 100s of different variations of succulents and cacti, there are so many beautiful plants to see and photograph. They also have a restaurant on site-that offered a conservatory styled dinner 7 days a week-I enquired, they were fully booked that evening (you can’t have everything, I guess)
You will have noticed I have a thing for bathrooms!
The Mo and Rose cellar left us craving wines so we meandered our way towards the centre of Robertson, collected our tickets and started our now, wine journey of Robertson. All in one day, I wish we had more time. I can’t wait to go back. There are so many other quaint spots and beautiful wineries I hope to visit. Definitely, a great alternative if you’re hoping to escape Franschhoek and the fireplace-less city is just not an option in winter! Robertson, it’s been real!
If you’re one for the ocean, read our post on Hermanus accommodation & restaurant specials HERE
A Hilltop Country Retreat | 7 Bergsig Avenue | Swellendam | Tel: +27 (0)28 514 2294 | Email: info@ahilltop.co.za
